vulnerable

It surprises me how vulnerable I am in a marriage.

I think I am suppose to be happy and joyful right now.

I have a loving husband, great families, I have everything we need.

But all I can think of is how horrible I am so far for being a wife, a mom to be, a daughter, an in law, a friend, a partner, a leader. I am so far from what I picture I would be.

I am not good at cooking, doing laundry, house cleaning, waking up, encouraging my husband, pampers him when he get home, I am not good in managing a business, or leading staffs, I'm horrible.

I am attached to my bed and computer. Partly because I'm pregnant, partly because I am working on a lot of projects. I can't find a word quite suitable to address my behaviour, but Imma need to fix this.
This is marriage life, I'm a new comer, I'm just shocked by changes in my body and my life.
It looks bad and messy now, but I'll master it.

Like me saying to myself,
"Don't be sad, accept the judgement, and improve your skills."